The Ship of Crack Pairings

[spike]

-all stories to be posted here. No comments please. Comment in the "Cracking It Up" thread. My first crack ship will go here. Reserved spots are allowed to be taken.-

[. s p o r e l e t t ♪]

I apologise in advance for any misrepresentation I may do of anyone's characters!

Please enjoy the crack.

The night was cool as Scorchclaw traversed the swamp, and young yet, the first lights of StarClan only just appearing in the steel-grey sky above. Wet mud squelched between his toes, soaking into the fur of his paws whenever he wandered off of firm ground, but the dark-pelted tom payed no mind. He had lived here for so long that the slick feel of the swamp no-longer bothered him — sometimes he didn't even notice it.

He was approaching the ThunderClan border, mischief on his mind. ShadowClan had grown great and powerful over the seasons that he had been alive, and ThunderClan was just as weak as ever. They would not miss a mouse or two from their side of the border, when his Clan's need was so much greater. He could see the openness of the ground ahead, where the Thunderpath cut through the forest and bared the ground to the sky. The stench of monsters was thick in his mouth, choking out all other scents as he searched for the tunnel which would allow him passage underneath. He may have been a risk-taker, but there was no sense in getting himself killed when a safer route was close at paw.

The mouth of the Thunderpath tunnel gaped blackly ahead of him. Scorchclaw padded inside and padded through the narrow passage, avoiding the stagnant water gathered at the bottom and ignoring the rumble of monsters as they passed overhead. Emerging from the closeness of the tunnel, he stopped for a moment to look about himself. And had to hide a jump when a tall figure appeared from the darkness like a ghost.

"Going somewhere, Scorchclaw?" the pale tabby asked, his voice a cold sneer. Scorchclaw almost felt nervous until he caught himself. Why should he be uneasy around a fellow warrior who was two seasons younger than he?

"Just doing some night hunting," he mewed cheekily. "Thought I could catch a few squirrels near the border." That wasn't strictly a lie... he hadn't said what side of the border he had intended to be on. Tallstorm, however, didn't look convinced.

"Feeding off of ThunderClan's leavings?" he asked. "I would think you of all cats should know to stay well away from ThunderClan's borders. Unless you were planning on joining them for good." His words fell blunt and hard like stones. Few cats had forgotten of Scorchclaw's youthful tryst with ThunderClan warrior Mottledleaf, least of all Tallstorm. He couldn't abide half-clanners, and most especially the cats who were responsible for their creation.

Scorchclaw hissed. "My relationship with ThunderClan ended when I decided to raise Foxfur in ShadowClan. After all this time, can't you give it a rest?"

"No." Tallstorm stepped closer, eyes glinting. "Time is irrelevant. And you will never be redeemed." Another step. Scorchclaw could almost reach out a paw and touch him now.

"Speak for yourself. I don't need your redemption." The solid-built tom turned away before he could succumb to the temptation to rake his claws down his Clanmate's face. And stopped dead when Tallstorm's next words sliced the air.

"Much good your raising Foxfur did anyway. In the end he turned out to be every bit as filthy as you." Scorchclaw was on him before the last words had even finished leaving his mouth, green eyes narrowed with rage. Took long enough, Tallstorm smirked inwardly as he let the pounce carry him to the ground. And flipped Scorchclaw over his head with a deft toss of his paws.

Scorchclaw thumped heavily to the ground and was back up in a second. "Don't you talk about my son! Don't you even think about him!"

"I suppose you're going to try to stop me?"

Then there was no more talking, only a mess of claws and fur as light and dark rolled together on the ground, each grappling for the advantage. Tallstorm took a nasty kick to the stomach, and Scorchclaw's ear was torn and bleeding. But eventually the lighter tom lay spread on top of his pinned opponent, his fanged maw close to Scorchclaw's ear. "That was a good try." He bit it, savagely. "But you can't win."

"Think so?" Scorchclaw growled. Bucking, he heaved Tallstorm off and nipped his teeth tauntingly at the base of the other tom's throat. Tallstorm's claws reached up and dug into his sides, then suddenly he was underneath him again, and the snow-coloured tom was sinking his teeth possessively into Scorchclaw's shoulder.

"You belong to ShadowClan." he growled. "And you belong to me." His claws sank into the yielding ground. Scorchclaw let out a guttural growl in response, but instead of pushing the other tom off, his claws dragged him closer.

"Expect that sentiment to be mutual," he rumbled. His eyes were green fire.

They didn't arrive back at camp for a very long time.