Goodbye Before Hello, Fogkit

[:c a i:]

Dismayed, Darkflower looked at the two kits who'd just come up and started asking questions to which she had few answers. How could she explain to such innocent youngsters why Fogkit would never open her eyes or laugh and smile. But then she was saved the task of explaining by Tawnykit, who told the other kit in a rather medical way what had happened. She frowned at Tawnykit, unnerved by her telling the innocent little Duskkit why the scrap of grey fur was unmoving and still, like a peaceful, eternal slumber had claimed it. It did not seem right, Tawnykit telling another kit that this newborn was dead before life. Still, she seemed to know what she was talking about. Maybe there was a future medicine cat in her.

"Of course they did." She replied to the youngster, somewhat roughly. "Every medicine cat does everything he or she can to save a cat, no matter what Clan they are. It is their duty." She spoke the last words quietly. Of course Earthfoot - as well as the rest of them - had done everything in their power to try to save the precious life of the kit now laid in front of her. "We cannot fight StarClan's will, kits." She muttered. "It is neither possible, nor advisable to bargain with them, for there can be no choice in which lives are saved and which are lost." Her eyes flicked up, and she took in Whiteheart's appearance. For a moment, she did not reply to the other she-cat, but gazed at her as if to say "Can you not tell what has happeend?"

"Cats of ShadowClan. This night is one of both happiness and sorrow." She called to the cats who were in camp and could hear her. "Tonight we welcome Poppyfrost's four, healthy kits. Finchkit, Frostkit, Spiderkit and Breezekit are our newest Clanmates. Yet we also mourn the loss of this fifth kit, Fogkit, whom StarClan claimed before we could greet her." Her words sounded almost harsh with a torrent of emotion behind them, making Darkflower's usually cool, restrained voice sound very different. She fell silent, staring at Whiteheart as if challenging her to say something, anything. "This is life, Whiteheart." She meowed softly, ever so softly. "We love and lose."

[nightstorm]

Thistlefur looked up at the sound of Darkflower's voice, and she let out a small gasp at the sight of the still little kit. She ran over, her eyes sad. "Poor Poppyfrost..." she murmured. "How is she?"

The she-cat was glad that the other kits were healthy, but another, more motherly side to her grieved with and for Poppyfrost. It was never easy to watch a queen lose a kit; she could only imagine the pain that Poppyfrost felt. Thistlefur bowed her head. "Oh StarClan," she whispered. "Why is it always the young and innocent?"

[froststream]

Poppyfrost looked out from the den in the doorway. The kitswere clustered against her, breathing in calm and relaxed breaths. Little Frostkit was awake, still laying, but her head was raised. Her blind, unseeing eyes were facing to Poppyfrost, as though asking, "Why?"

Poppyfrost had no answer.

She marvelled at how sophisticated Darkflower was being, and Poppyfrost admired her. Poppyfrost gently stood, Frostkit slowly buried herself into teh other kit bundles. They could keep each other warm, but only for a few seconds. Poppyfrost padded over to the doorway, the moonlight making her glossy fur shine elegantly. She didn't say a word. She raised her eyes to the stars, thinking of how much the colour blended with Fogkit's fur.

"Goodnight, Fogkit..." she whispered softly. She felt pangs in her heart that her kit would never hear her voice. Or maybe it was more because Poppyfrost would never hear her kit's. Then, after a few seconds, she curled back around her kits, feeling the four little heartbeats pumping regularily along with her own. Her throat felt tight and painful.

"I am sorry," she whispered, emotion rising in her voice. For what, she wasn't sure. For everything. She'd give everything to get her kit back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tawnykit remained silent as Darkflower gave the speech. She felt her fur tingle with emotion as the moonlight shone down on her.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Good luck, Fogkit." Tawnykit said solemly. Her eyes closed and she raised her face to the sky. For a moment, fireflies swirled up in the nighttime sky, representing every sorrow, every joy and every dream. Tawnykit finally opened her eyes, and now her beautiful green eyes held a different emotion. Call it a bittersweet moment, for that is what is the birth of a kit. There is no word to describe the death of one.

Then, as the calm winds gently ruffled Tawnykit's fur, she stood next to the tiny body. She took a breath, and, eyes sparkling, her sweet voice rang out through the calm air.

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world."

[☆ Y e l l o w ☆]

"I know what happened, but... sorry." Whiteheart's voice softened until it quieted completely. She lowered her eyes to the ground, not speaking or risking a glance at Fogkit. Already the sadness got to her. She couldn't bear to make herself more upset. It wasn't in her nature to go looking for emotional trauma, but to shut it out completely. Besides, it wasn't her place to be sad for the kit. Poppyfrost was probably already grieving enough for one tiny life.

She silently listened to Darkflower announce what happened to the Clan. Upon hearing the other kits' names she looked toward the nursery. Then, that meant there were four healthy ones, right? Whiteheart longed to go see them and Poppyfrost. Would anyone object to that? Maybe Poppyfrost was tired and wanted to rest, not have visitors. Indecisive, she listened to Tawnykit, wondering how in the world such a young cat became so wise.

[:c a i:]

The voices swarmed about Darkflower's head and she could hardly distinguish one cat from the other. The day had been a painful, draining one and she felt almost dead on her paws. She forced herself to stay with it and stared Whiteheart in the face for a moment before nodding curtly. She wasn't overly fond of her, but she acknowledged the genuine words of regret. It was hard for them all now, especially Poppyfrost.

"Poppyfrost is resting." She replied, glancing between Whiteheart and Thistlefur. "The birth was not an easy one and Earthfoot is tending to her." Then she realised that the other cats probably didn't know that the ThunderClan medicine cat had been forced to deliver the kits in Littlebird's absence. She felt a prickle of resentment that the ShadowClan medicine cat had not been there to look after her Clanmate in a time when she needed it most. It wasn't right that Earthfoot had had to share in their sorrows. "Earthfoot delivered the kits." She muttered to the cats who had gathered to say farewell to Fogkit, even before they knew her. "Littlebird is still absent. I don't know what would have happened if Earthfoot wasn't here." She meowed, daring anyone to speak against him. Without him, she suspected, things would have been far worse.

And Tawnykit... Tawnykit. Young and thoughtful, as if she were already fully aware of life, death and everything in between. Too much for a tiny kit to know. She would have to be treated carefully, for too much too soon would not do her any good. "Tawnykit, I think its' time you got some rest too." She meowed, sounding very unnaturally maternal. "Go on. Find your mother or... Whoever it is you usually... Need." Her words trailed off as she wondered what exactly you were meant to do to get a kit to go to sleep, tail-tip twitching in discomfort. In her mind she suspected something about Tawnykit, that her path might already be chosen. Someday she would have to speak to Specklestar about her. But not tonight. The night drew on quickly.

[Ki]

Duskkit listened to Darkflower's speech, and was amazed to hear that their medicine cat was absent during the birth! A shudder went down her spine. Why had Littlebird been away? Duskkit put those questions aside for later. She walked up to Fogkit, her sweet green eyes filled with dismay. Why had StarClan taken a kit who had not even had a chance to live? Duskkit realized she should be saying something to her fallen Clanmate, who hadn't even begun life. Duskkit murmured, "May StarClan light your way."

Duskkit looked up at Darkflower. She'd addressed Tawnykit, but she knew that it also meant that she'd be ushered away soon enough as well. Duskkit trotted towards the nursery and slipped inside. The young kit hesitated at the entrance, as if she expected Poppyfrost or Earthfoot to send her away.

[froststream]

"Okay," Tawnykit said to Darkflower. "Goodnight, Darflower. Goodnight, Fogkit."

The little calico started off towards the nursery. She gave a last glance at the scene unfolding. She could see Fogkit's little body curled up, as though she was sleeping. But she wasn't. StarClan had taken her for a reason. Instead of living the nightmare of life, she was living a dream. Tawnykit looked at the stars. They seemed brighter today. Of course, she didn't mesmorize the stars, but there was an unusually smaller and brighter one near the horizon. Maybe it was Fogkit. Who knew. Without a word, she slipped out of the moonlight and into the nursery.

[Ki]

((Er...heads up for those who might not know. Tawnykit and Duskkit are no sisters so...uh....yeah.))

Duskkit, upon seeing her sister, purred and nudged her. She was happy that she had Tawnykit. If Tawnykit had been still-born like Fogkit, Duskkit would have no one to play with! Had there been a still-born kit in their litter? Duskkit made a note to ask their mother that. She padded towards their usual spot in the nursery and curled up. "Good night, Poppyfrost. Good night, little kits." Duskkit set her head on her paws. It still puzzled her that StarClan would take a kit before it was born. Why?