Skies of Grey [SmallLily]

[:c a i:]

Bad things always happened when skies were grey.

Lilypaw sat alone by the river, hunched over and staring bleakly into the fast-flowing water, her fur a mess and her face striped with wet streaks. Her blue eyes were unblinking and miserable as she watched the greyish water crashing over the rocky sides of the gorge, harsh and unforgiving.

Everything looked worse when skies were grey.

And it was all Hailwhisker's fault. Lilypaw felt a fresh surge of sobs brimming over as she recalled the events of the past day, shoulders quivering as she fought not to break down into weeping. Stupid, stupid foxhearted piece of dung! How could he? How could he do this to her? What was wrong with him? He broke off with her and left her for a kittypet. A kittypet! It made it so much more insulting, so much more painful to think that she'd lost her tom to a kittypet.

I hate him.

[/i]

She slashed at a stone and sent it catapulting into the water, watching as it was carried away and engulfed by the gurgling current. She hated Hailwhisker for being such a mousebrained fool, but she was still heartbroken over the loss of him. It felt like he'd sucked all the good things out of her life like the selfish leech he was. Ugh.

Lilypaw gave a great sniff, swiping at her face with a paw angrily, even as fresh sobs wracked out of her. It felt like the end of the world. Why had he left her? Was it because she was younger than him? The kittypet he'd met was thirteen moons old and had apparently been all over the world and learnt all kinds of tricks, whatever that meant.

Or wasn't she pretty enough for him? Lilypaw had always thought she was pretty, and she'd never ever had a tom turn her down or break up with her. She'd always done the choosing and the dumping. And now she was dumped. Her thin tortoiseshell fur was getting soaked through from the spray, but she hardly cared. What did it matter how pretty she made herself if she couldn't even hold a tom like Hailwhisker down? There was no point.

There was no point to anything when skies were grey.[/blockquote]

[Ki]

Smallpaw had been contemplating what he'd say for a while. He knew Lilypaw was heartbroken over Hailwhisker running off. Anyone in her position would be. Now for the past few days she'd been so sad. It was almost unbearable to watch. After all, it hurt to see any Clan member in such pain. But Lilypaw? A she-cat he admired so much? It was downright painful. Cats had tried to cheer her up, but it was all in vain. Smallpaw had tried to talk to her and lift her spirits. Nothing helped. He'd been thinking of ways to cheer her up. Remind her that she was a pretty, intelligent, talented young apprentice with an entire life ahead of her. Whatever Hailwhisker didn't see, Smallpaw sure saw. Past Lilypaw's admittedly beautiful exterior was a beautiful spirit. She was fiery and honest, and smarter than she let on.

How to make her see that?

Finally, Smallpaw decided a simple gesture would be best. He'd been walking through the Cliff Forest with Sandcloud. (She said his hurt foot could use some exercise now that the injury was healing nicely.) And then he'd spotted it. A lily. A single, perfect lily growing in a nice patch of sunlight. He'd picked it right away and limped off to find her as fast as he could before it began to wilt. Finally, he'd found her near the river. Moving carefully, he walked over to her and set the lily down at her paws. He nose it towards her, his bright blue and green eyes looking at her.

"I...I found this for you." Mousebrain! How could he have walked all this way and not thought of what to say?!

[:c a i:]

The sound of another cat's voice startled Lilypaw and she jumped, horrified at being caught in such a state. She gave a tremendous sniff, wiping her face hurriedly as she whirled around to confront whoever it was, an angry retort forming on her lips. She frowned fiercely to find herself facing not some supercilious warrior come to tell her to stop being so silly (several cats had done that since Hailwhisker had left, because they just didn't understand), but instead little Smallpaw. She eyed him with haughty disdain, sniffing inelegantly.

He appeared to have a flower in his mouth, which he placed at her paws. Lilypaw looked at it as if it were something picked off a three-day-old carcass rather than a beautiful, flawless lily - her namesake. How the little tom had managed to find it and bring it intact was a mystery in itself, but Lilypaw was not in a particularly admiring frame of mind. If she had been in better spirits, she would have been girlishly overjoyed and accepted the gesture with crowing delight, and probably gone on to treat Smallpaw with great affection if only because he was so devoted to her. As it was, though, she was in a bitterly bad mood and her temper was fluctuating wildly with the storm of sorrow that was engulfing her.

She stared at Smallpaw angrily. "Is this some kind of a joke?"

[/color] she demanded shrilly. "Are you making fun of me? Hailwhisker leaves me and you just thought you'd come and rub it in? Is that it?"[/color] she glared harshly at the poor tom, her blue eyes swimming with angry, hurt tears and her beautiful face a picture of misery. She didn't care if there were worse things that could've happened to her. She didn't care that "really, this is not a big deal, Lilypaw!" or "if you think you feel bad, think about his parents!". She just knew that this was the first time in her life that she simply hadn't got what she wanted and that she was left a miserable wreck because of it. She didn't want to be nice or forgiving or optimistic. She just wanted to rage and strop and scream.

All because this was really the first time that she had had to confront real life. And poor old Smallpaw was getting the brunt of it.


[][/blockquote]

[Ki]

Instead of being cheered up, Smallpaw feared he had made things worse. He bent his ears back apologetically. He hadn't meant this at all! See, this was why he should have thought of something to say. Some nice, long-winded speech that would tell her how sorry he was and how things would be ok. Like what Spottedsky gave him when he was upset. She'd sit with him and talk to him, pointing out that whatever he was upset over wasn't the end of the world. The sun wouldn't fall from the sky. The stars wouldn't shake and shatter. Things would work out how StarClan wanted them to. But instead of saying that, he just stuttered out a plain old sentence. And now...

"N-No! No joke. I don't want to rub in anything. I just...you know. I don't like seeing you sad. And, I know you like pretty things so I brought you this flower. To cheer you up." Smallpaw managed. His ears were burning like they always did when he was embarrassed. Well, it was his own fault. He should have thought this out carefully.

[:c a i:]

Lilypaw stared at Smallpaw heatedly for a few seconds, blinking angrily as she continued to sniff in a rather un-Lilypaw manner. She didn't know whether he was being genuine or not. She had no idea why he was even here at all, since she was fairly sure she didn't even know the tom properly. He was always in the medicine cat den and so far she had scarcely even noticed him. So why was he out here bringing flowers for her? Maybe it was some stupid dare, or a blatant attempt to annoy her. Although she didn't think Smallpaw was the type to do mean practical jokes...

But she was still angry. She looked away haughtily and set her jaw. "Well you can't cheer me up. No one can."

[/color] she suddenly wheeled around and looked at him with extra intensity, tail lashing slightly. "Do you know what it's like, being cast off? And for nothing more than a common kittypet!"[/color] The last words turned into a sort of distressed wail as she was filled with fresh pain at the thought of her beloved Hailwhisker running into the paws of some overfed house cat to live with twolegs and meals in luridly-coloured bowls. She looked Smallpaw up and down blatantly, disdain registering on her face even as she dissolved into yet more tears.

"I suppose you don't know what it's like, because you won't have had anyone to love like that. What do you know about it?" Her words were cruel, and even as she said them some part of her was disgusted with herself for having said them. She didn't mean them, and she would come to regret them, but in the heat of the moment she wanted to lash out and hurt Smallpaw only because she was hurting. Before she started to feel serious remorse for her harshness, she turned away and stared resolutely into the grey river, wrapping her tail around herself as she sat hunched over the riverbank.

Well, she wouldn't be hearing from poor Smallpaw again. That was almost certain.[/blockquote]

[Ki]

Smallpaw sat there and listened to her. He knew she was upset. Pain filled her words, and he managed to excuse her. What she-cat wouldn't be upset in her position? She'd been in love, and suddenly she was cast off and alone. He listened to her yell and shout, taking it all in. Well, it was his own fault. Smallpaw should have waited till she calmed down. He flicked his tail self-consciously, feeling embarrassed and upset that he'd only made things worse for her. Instead of comforting her, Smallpaw had made her feel like she was being made fun of and laughed at.

"I suppose you don't know what it's like, because you won't have had anyone to love like that. What do you know about it?"

Now that hurt. Just a bit. Smallpaw cringed slightly. He'd always hated how he was. Sickly, skinny, weak. It was even worse when you realized the type of cat his father had been. Ravenflight had been strong, fast, and handsome. A true warrior. Meanwhile his only living son was so behind in training that he was practically on the same level as the new apprentices. He'd figured he'd never get a mate because of it. Or even a sweetheart, for that matter. So no, he didn't have any idea. And probably wouldn't ever. "You're right. I suppose I don't." He smiled slightly, "Sorry to have bothered you, Lilypaw." He turned and started to limp off, leaving the lily behind.

[:c a i:]

Though he wouldn't have been able to see it, Lilypaw closed her eyes and cursed herself as soon as she heard his resigned words, cringing inwardly for being so unkind to him when he'd obviously only been trying to help her. He brought her a beautiful lily and what did she do? Hit him where it would most definitely have hurt. She turned her head carefully to look at his retreating form, shame filling her as she watched his unsteady gait.

She was not a nice cat.

She had never considered herself an especially kind or sweet cat, but neither had she thought she was a particularly bad one either. No, she had never been that sympathetic towards other cats' problems, but neither had she deliberately contributed to them or made it worse. But now, watching a cat who'd been sweet enough to comfort her when she was at her absolute lowest be driven away by her cruel words made her horribly aware of just how unkind she could be. And she absolutely hated herself for it. Anguished, she bit her lip and looked down at the perfect lily still lying at her paws.

I shouldn't have been a lily. I should've been a rose, with all the thorns I have.

The lily was too beautiful for her; a gift from a cat too sweet-hearted for the likes of her. Too gentle, too forgiving and too good. With a temper like hers, was it any surprise she'd got her heart trampled on by foxdung like Hailwhisker? Chances like the one she'd just shot to pieces came along and she turned her nose up at them. Why had she been surprised she was left in misery?

But even in spite of herself as she carefully lifted the petals of the lily with one paw, she couldn't help herself.

She smiled.