Making Peace [SmallLily]

[Ki]

Smallpaw was laying in the camp, watching the sun set. His leg was doing better. Much better, in fact. Sandcloud said that, in a few days time, he'd be able to return to his training. He'd told his mentor right away, and told Creamfoot all about it. But now Creamfoot was asleep (the old girl always went to sleep early) and Smallpaw was just going to relax. He watched the sky with his head on his paws, blue and green eyes turned upwards. Soon the stars would be out. That was his favorite part of day; when he spotted the first star of the evening. Who was that star, he wondered? Was it Crowkit, his blind brother, eagerly meeting Smallpaw's gaze in the sky? That thought made him smile. Hopefully StarClan would have healed Crowkit's eyes. It would be a shame if he couldn't see the world's beauty, even in death.

The sky was a lovely shade of red-orange, and the clouds were tinged pink. It reminded Smallpaw of the flowers that bloomed in newleaf. Of daises and tulips and...lilies. He sighed a bit. Oh well.

[:c a i:]

It was some time later when Lilypaw returned to camp after her encounter with Smallpaw. She'd carefully stashed the lily he'd given her away in her nest and then cautiously emerged, having made up her mind to find Smallpaw, apologise for her hideous behaviour and thank him properly for all his trouble. She wouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to speak to her again after the way she'd treated him, but she still had to try. Otherwise she really would be a mean cat and she just didn't want to be horrible. She didn't want to be known as the spiteful cat who hurt others whenever she felt bad.

So when she saw Smallpaw out staring at the sky, head on his paws, she took a deep breath. It would be easy to just turn around and avoid him for days until she could safely blot out the whole incident, but... she couldn't do that. She owed the poor tom an apology, and she was, really, a gritty cat underneath the frivolity, so she went over to stick it out. Her tail cautiously low, she approached him quietly, moving slowly to stand next to him.

"Smallpaw?"

[/color] she said hesitantly, her melodic voice soundign unusually unsure. She just didn't make apologies all that often. Normally she avoided trouble - or at least getting caught - but here she was most undoubtedly and inescapably in the wrong, and she had to say it. The trouble was, what did she say now? Just come out and say she was sorry she'd deliberately and cruelly picked on what must have been the most sensitive thing for him?

"I..."[/color] she began, faltering as she took in the black-and-white pattern of his fur, and the mismatched colour of his eyes. None of which she'd bothered to notice before. "I just... wanted to talk to you. To thank you. For the lily."[/color] she blurted out, somehow managing to not say what she'd intended to say at all. "So... do you have a minute?"[/color] she said, smiling a hopeful smile.

Hopefully he wouldn't just turn around and walk away.[/blockquote]

[Ki]

Smallpaw didn't hear Lilypaw approach. He wasn't sure if it was because he was wrapped up in his own thoughts or because she approached on his deaf side, but either way he jumped a little when he realized she was there. He raised his head and felt his ears burning. Why was she here, he wondered? Perhaps she had calmed down and was ready to talk? He managed to stammer out a quiet, "Yes?" before she began talking again. His unsure look turned into a smile, and he raised his ears and grinned. She was thanking him! He knew she would calm down. He sat up, his eyes glowing. Maybe some cats would have sniffed and walked away. Many would have, after her outburst. But Smallpaw was very forgiving. He knew she was going through a rough time, that was all. Deep down, Lilypaw was nice. Every cat was good. He didn't really think anyone was 'evil' for that matter. Some cats just lost their way.

"Of course." he mewed brightly. "Are you feeling better?" Well, obviously she was. But he felt he should ask anyway. Smallpaw didn't want her thinking he had been playing a cruel joke on her before. Though he was rather sure she'd stopped believing that...well, it was just polite, wasn't it?

[:c a i:]

Lilypaw breathed out in relief, a weight lifted when it became clear that Smallpaw wasn't angry with her. What an angelic cat he must be to not hate me after what I said to him... she thought to herself. "Okay, great!"

[/color] Lilypaw meowed, turning a brilliant smile on Smallpaw and looking more like herself than she had done since Hailwhisker left. "Um, yes, I am. A lot better. I'm going to get some fresh-kill and then I'll come sit with you."[/color] she told him, trotting off to fetch something to eat.

She selected a tasty-looking vole from the assorted prey in the pile, then moved swiftly to rejoin Smallpaw, using the time it took her to get to and from the fresh-kill pile to carefully word her apology, which she still had yet to make. She sat down opposite Smallpaw and placed the vole between them, waving her tail to invite him to share it with her. Before she took a bite, though, she took a deep breath and stared solemnly at Smallpaw. She was an eloquent cat, but she did so struggle with apologies...

"Smallpaw, I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It was horrible of me to say that and I didn't mean it at all. I should've been grateful that you came out to cheer me up and I was perfectly foul instead. I hope you can forgive me."[/color] she spoke sincerely, blinking her large blue eyes gravely. She realised it was the first heartfelt apology she'd made in a long time.

So maybe it was time she grew up a bit.[/blockquote]

[Ki]

Smallpaw watched her go and get a piece of fresh-kill from the pile, smiling to himself. He was relieved she was feeling better, and that he hadn't made things completely worse. She returned and sat down across from him, and gestured for him to share the vole she brought. The vole looked admittedly tasty, and he knew Sandcloud would urge him to eat. (She and Creamfoot were always saying how he needed to eat more and put on weight.) But he wasn't that hungry. Besides, it was only polite that he let the she-cat eat first. But instead of eating she took a breath and apologized. Smallpaw blinked, surprised. He hadn't expected that. Cats didn't usually apologize to him. And he hadn't expected Lilypaw to, when he fully thought he was in the wrong. She finished speaking, and Smallpaw smiled slightly.

"Lilypaw, you were just upset." he mewed kindly. "So knowing that already forgives you. Besides, I'm not the type of cat to hold grudges anyway. Life's too short for that." He grinned at her.

[:c a i:]

"You're a sweetheart, Smallpaw," Lilypaw purred, nudging the tom affectionately. Her spirits were infinitely brightened by the knowledge that she was forgiven, whether or not she really deserved to be. Smallpaw certainly made the process of winning forgiveness rather easy, being such a gentle-natured cat. She felt guilty about never having been kind to him in the past when he was actually such a nice cat.

Life's too short for that

As she reflected on his words, Lilypaw looked up from where she'd been daintily picking at part of the vole (Smallpaw was clearly too gallant to eat first, which made her smile), momentarily alarmed. She wondered if he meant the words merely as a general saying or if he was making some reference to his own state of health. She didn't know exactly what was wrong with Smallpaw; only that he was frequently in and out of the medicine cat den and seemed to have quite a few health issues.

How could he be so cheerful when he had so much reason to be angry and unforgiving? He'd got dealt a horrible hand by fate, and yet he had the heart to be kind and good and understanding, even when cats like her were selfish and conceited. She felt even more ashamed for her behaviour, realising that for all she'd thought her life was over because Hailwhisker had left, Smallpaw had far more reason to complain than she did. Maybe this was what all those other cats meant when they told her "it could be worse".

If Smallpaw could handle the awful things the world threw at him, then she could get over some stupid tom whose name she wouldn't even remember in three moons' time.

"I don't mean to be rude, Smallpaw, but do you mind me asking... why do you have to go to Frostwing so much?"

[/color] she asked, trying to be polite but eventually giving in to curiosity. She didn't know much about Smallpaw's past, or his family, or anything, really, so she decided to try and get him to divulge some information about him. He was an interesting cat, really. Much more interesting than Hailwhisker, who'd never had anything more challenging come his way than a two-a-side game of mossball with the kits in the nursery.[/blockquote]

[Ki]

After Lilypaw began eating, Smallpaw took a few small bites. He could hear Creamfoot scolding him in the back of his mind. "You're a growing tom, you need to eat! Look at you; you're all bone. Why, in my day..." The thought made him smile. He'd have to go wake up Creamfoot later and tell her about this turn of events. Inside he was practically giddy. He'd always had what you might call a crush on Lilypaw. Not because she was pretty, but because he'd always sensed something beneath that. Smallpaw wasn't exactly sure what. But he'd always got the feeling that StarClan was nudging him towards her for whatever reason. He felt his ears burn slightly when she called him a sweetheart. He'd been called that before. By Creamfoot, by Sandcloud, by Spottedsky when he was young. But it was entirely different when Lilypaw called him that. He smiled a bit and murmured an embarrassed "Thank you."

Smallpaw's eyes turned towards the sky again. Now, as the sun sank below the horizon and the gorge was bathed in cool shadow, he saw it. The first star of the evening. It twinkled brightly above, almost seeming to wink at them. He grinned and hoped it was his brother. Or perhaps his poor sister Snowkit, who never got a chance at life. Lilypaw spoke again, and he looked towards her. "Why am I always in the medicine cat den, you mean?" He'd been asked this question before. Mostly by kits, but occasionally by fellow apprentices. He smiled slightly. "Well, I'm very sickly...I can't seem to go very long without getting sick, really. It's been happening ever since I was born, really." He curled his tail over his paws, thinking about the stories his aunt had told him. "Spottedsky thinks it's because my mother...well, my father died ont he Thunderpath before I was born. And my mother was torn up about it. She didn't eat, she barely slept. She didn't follow the medicine cat's advice...or maybe it was just bad luck. But my brother was blind, my sister was stillborn, and I kept getting sick. I still do. But there isn't much I can do about it but listen to Sandcloud and Frostwing, and pray to StarClan." He smiled. There had been plenty of times in his young life where he was very close to death. But he couldn't ever remember being scared. If he died, he went to StarClan and saw his parents and siblings. If he didn't, he got to stay with his Clanmates. Win-win, wasn't it?

Though he just wished he was healthy enough to train more often. Smallpaw didn't want to die an apprentice, if it ever came to that. He wanted to meet his parents in StarClan as a warrior.

[:c a i:]

Lilypaw listened to Smallpaw in kind of rapture, her eyes very mind and her mouth forming an 'O' as she heard the details of his birth. She forgot to eat for a few minutes, thinking very hard. Poor Smallpaw. She couldn't help but be a bit resentful of his mother for not taking care of herself when she'd had other lives depending on her. But,

[/color] she thought, feeling somewhat abashed, having your heart broken clearly does make you go a bit mad... as I've just found out.[/color]. Yet somehow she felt like a mother was supposed to put her kits before anything, no matter what else was going on. Wasn't that what motherhood was about?

Look what had happened because Smallpaw's mother had let herself waste away. She couldn't imagine having to live always anticipating the next time she'd get ill... never knowing for sure how long good health would last. She always took being healthy completely for granted, because she'd never been ill with anything more than a slight cough. She was strong and healthy, but she'd never said "thank you" for just that simple fact.

She'd faked being ill to get out of training before.

And here was Smallpaw, trying to fit training around being confined to the medicine cat den because he really was ill. Lilypaw felt a flush of guilt and vowed never again to blow off a training session under the guise of being ill. In fact, she would put in a whole load of effort next time she saw Lionstripe because, she realised, you could never be sure what might get in the way of the next session. She felt like she owed it to Smallpaw to try even harder to finish her training.

Because he might not make it for a very long time

Guiltily, she pushed the thought away and smiled sympathetically at Smallpaw. He might be weakened physically, but he had to be strong on the inside to be so calm and steadfast in spite of his illnesses. And that was humbling for her.

"Oh... I'm sorry, Smallpaw."[/color] She said, staring at him, wide-eyed. "I think you're amazing to be so cheerful even though you've had such bad luck..."[/color] she mused, eventually snapping out of her reverie and glancing back down at the vole. "Here, you finish this."[/color] she said, nudging it towards him. "What about training? Who's your mentor again? You'll still get through training with the rest of us, won't you?"[/color]

Her interest piqued, new questions formed a friendly chatter that was very Lilypaw-esque. She couldn't help herself: maybe there was more to this tom she'd always dismissed as just a sickly tom who admired her from afar than she'd ever realised.[/blockquote]

[Ki]

Smallpaw smiled. Could this be improved? At all? Smallpaw thought not. He was sitting there talking to Lilypaw. Lilypaw of all cats! Sharing a piece of fresh-kill with her at sunset. In his mind, this was perfect. He couldn't be any happier. Go ahead and take him now, StarClan, because nothing could top this! She complimented him again, and he felt his ears burn. Was he really that cheerful all the time, he wondered? Being angry had never seemed worth it to him. A cat's time walking the earth was short. Smallpaw's...well, he didn't know how long his time was. He'd stared Death in the face plenty of times before. It wasn't anything new to him. But each time he swiped his claws across Death's face. Sometimes Death would try to drag him down anyway. But Smallpaw always got free of him. He always fought, tooth and claw, to stay alive. One day, though, it wouldn't be enough. One day he'd be too tired, too weak, or maybe even too old to fight. And then how would his Clan remember him? Smallpaw didn't want them to remember him as the grouchy apprentice. He wanted to be remembered as kind and friendly. As a cat that SkyClan could be proud of.

Smallpaw took the last few bites of the vole. The polite thing to do would have been insist that Lilypaw ate the last bits. But he was honestly getting his appetite back. Smallpaw pulled the last few bites of meat off the vole and listened to Lilypaw talk. "Oh, my mentor? Ravenfeather." He smiled. His mentor was very kind and patient with him. In his mind he couldn't ask for a better teacher. He was extremely lucky to have her. "Well, not exactly. Half the time I'm behind most of the other apprentices. Because I'm usually in the medicine cat den. But I always work hard with Ravenfeather to try and get back ahead." His training situation was extremely embarrassing to Smallpaw. And even though he worked hard, it always seemed as if as soon as he was close to catching up with the other cats his age, some illness would strike him and leave him in the medicine cat den for days. Once he was in the medicine cat den for a whole moon! Some of the warriors had thought he was doing it to get out of training. That was even more frustrating to him. Smallpaw wanted so badly to be a warrior. Why would he want to fake illness for a whole moon to get out of training?

"I'll be a warrior eventually, though." Smallpaw mewed. "But when I'm sick, Creamfoot is good company. And Sandcloud and Frostwing are nice. They're good to talk to." Oh how he adored those three cats! He kept poor Sandcloud and Frostwing working half the time. And Creamfoot was always there for him to talk to. Some may have said it was odd that his best friend was a cat many moons older than him. But Smallpaw loved Creamfoot to death. She was practically his kin.

[:c a i:]

For a long moment Lilypaw just watched Smallpaw, considering, her expression thoughtful as a small smile played at the corners of her mouth. Little did she know it, but she was changing her mind quickly about the little tom. Just a slight change, mind. Not long ago she had considered him... not exactly unworthy of her attention, but there certainly hadn't been much reason for her to notice him. Now, though she knew she didn't know him truly and deeply, but she liked to imagine she was slowly uncovering more and more of the genuine specialness Smallpaw held.

"I bet you will."

[/color] she said softly, somehow sure that one day he would make it. It wouldn't be easy, but... he'd get there. He deserved to, and surely StarClan would never be cruel enough to let such a good cat not be rewarded? She didn't like to think of him getting ill again, but she decided that the least she could do for such a selfless little cat would be to visit him in the medicine cat den. He was her sweet and humble friend now, she decided, and therefore that meant she would keep her eye on him.

Whether he liked it or not.

Though she wasn't unaware of the admiring looks he had sneaked at her when he thought she wasn't looking, so she assumed he didn't dislike her. She almost preened a bit at the thought of male attention, regardless of who from, but then remembered she was turning over a new leaf and not being so conceited, so she contented herself with artfully rearranging her tail.

"Well... this has been nice, Smallpaw."[/color] she said, smiling her most charming smile at him. "Maybe I'll see you around?"[/color] she rose daintily to her paws, brushed Smallpaw's shoulder with her tail in a friendly manner and then swanned off towards the apprentice den.

What a nice cat he is.[/color][/blockquote]