Giving In

[spike]

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[atrb=background,http://i470.photobucket.com/albums/rr67/Goldenwolf35953/Mousepaw2.jpg] That dawn was so pretty, so nice. How long had it been since she had actually stopped to look at it? So many mornings she just got up and went about her day, quietly, solemnly. She was so haunted by her predicament that the little apprentice couldn’t even think about anything else. To think… half a moon and it’d all be over. Or would it? Would this be over or would a tidal wave follow the likely exploding earthquake of disgrace? WindClan didn’t need her around to ruin their reputation. Imagine! The Gathering to come with Ravenstar standing up there, so proud and regal and all that he was. But having to share the terrible news that would give WindClan the look of a bad Clan. ’An apprentice has had-.’ Mousepaw sighed and buried those words the best she could. It was so wrong! And it wasn’t true. No, far from it. She was just… heavy. That was it. She was just heavy. The tabby flicked her tail, pausing to roll these thoughts around her head. How could she lie to herself, to everybody? She was ashamed in herself. Mousepaw gave a fleeting look at the warriors den, expecting to see Smallnose there with a look of disappointment. She would be letting her mentor down. Mintleaf. Smallnose. Her friends, her Clan! They’d all be so disappointed because she had one small fling that had gone wrong. Alfa. How she wanted him dead for that! To imagine his smirking face, the one she had fell for so easily, brought a disgusting twist to her stomach as she remembered it all so well. She had doomed herself. When would she be a warrior now? If she didn’t get it now, before these… things, then she wouldn’t be a warrior until she was twenty moons. Six moons until those… things would be out of her fur and she could resume what she had started. But even then, she’d have to relearn what she had forgotten. Mousepaw whimpered and glanced at the sun’s dazzling light that sparkled far beyond. It was surely unaware of the shadows it could not chase away. Though soon WindClan would wake up and start their day’s work, there were some things that the sun could not fix. The apprentice’s tail curled up, brushing the mass she had become fully aware of the past moon. Though she’d never address it mentally, the slightest movement was felt and she quickly retracted the appendage that had caused them to shift. ’Still, little ones. Not today.’ She was so small that it was a miracle she had been hiding it as long as she had. A cat her size should’ve been heavily bloated. But maybe that said something about the… things. Were they small too? Would they be weak? Were they healthy? Oh, StarClan, this sort of thing shouldn’t have been in her mind! She didn’t want them! And yet here she was, gazing on her midsection, thinking about what possibly grew within and how they would be. Perhaps she was not the proper… caretaker, but she-. Mousepaw sighed and rested her head on her paws. ‘I’ll always be a mother to them at heart.’

[/color] Who was she kidding? Even if she’d always try to deny it, try to find some excuse that it wasn’t true, it was all too true. She was having the kits of a loner even if she had yet to become a warrior. A young warrior would not get shunned. But an apprentice! She’d surely suffer from that and these were the consequences she’d have to deal with.

It was a heavy weight she had to bear, thinking that nobody but herself knew of the kits growing in her womb. Not even the father, not that he’d care. He was a liar, he never could care. Why had she answered to his wooing words anyways? So many ifs, so many whys, it wasn’t fair. Couldn’t StarClan give her one clear answer, good or bad, to all of this? It was hard enough trying to ignore it and train the same as the others. Imagine if she had fighting training coming up. Now in this stage, she’d have to avoid it at any cost. Wasn’t it bad enough that she’d be held back so long? Why was StarClan so cruel as to not give her at least one clear answer among all of that?

She pressed her ears back and clenched her jaw, fighting tears and worries. She was Mousepaw. She was strong, she could get through this.

Maybe.

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Word Count;; 760 words
Character Used;; Mousepaw
Purpose of Thread;; Bonding time with Smokepaw
Tagged;; Ki & Smokepaw
Notes;; She’s still in deep denial and has told nobody about the truth. But she’s feeling the urge to finally tell somebody, anybody.[/size][/blockquote][/justify][/color][/td][/tr][tr][td][/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[Ki]

Smokepaw was wide awake, and had been for quite a while.

Earlier in the night, when the moon was high in the sky, he'd had an alarming nightmare about a white she-cat that had chased him through the fields before cornering him and attacking him. He'd woken up with a start, chest heaving and claws unsheathed. Even after calming himself down, he wasn't able to go back to sleep. So he lay awake, listening to the sounds of the night. Crickets chirping, an owl hooting menacingly off in the distance. As the night wore on his thoughts turned to different things. His training, his mentor, Mousepaw...he was surprised at how often his mind turned to Mousepaw these days.

Actually, that was a lie.

It wasn't a surprise how often he thought about Mousepaw. His fondness for her grew each day. She was bright and adventurous with the light of excitement in her eyes. She was so brave! Not to mention outgoing. Talking and being friendly to cats came very easily to her. It was something he admired about her. Whenever he was around her, he felt the urge to speak more. And when Smokepaw did speak in front her, he spoke with more confidence than usual. He knew that, no matter how mouse-brained he sounded, Mousepaw wouldn't laugh or make fun of him. She had become, quite without his realizing, the best friend he could ask for.

In fact, things were perfect with Mousepaw. Sure he was getting scolded a bit more often than usual, but they hadn't ever done anything too dangerous or wild. But now, he realized, he'd gone and ruined all of it.

I've got a crush on her. he'd realized with dismay.

How could he have done something like that? Now their friendship-their perfect, wonderful friendship-would be ruined if she found out! Smokepaw sighed and turned his head to look over at her. Despite everything, he still couldn't help but think how pretty she looked. Even if the other apprentices were making snide remarks about her gaining weight, she looked fantastic. Smokepaw had deduced the others were simply jealous of her. In his eyes, Mousepaw was perfect. No matter how she looked.