Honeywhisker [done]

[honeywhisker]

Name: Honeywhisker
Age: 26 moons
Gender: Female
Clan: Riverclan
Rank: Warrior
Apprentice: none
Love Interest: none
Kin: none
Description: Honeywhisker is a sleek she-cat. She has blue eyes that are a deeper blue than normal. They always seem to be soft and caring, hiding how she is really feeling. Her soft fur is like mist. A very soft, light silver coat. Her fur is extremely soft for a feral cat. Her legs are strong and well muscled. She has a small limp from her moons as a rogue. Her pads are black and roughed over. Her whiskers started out a light honey color, but turned clear as she got older. Honeywhisker’s tail is average sized and has a small scar from a battle as a rogue. Her ears are nicely shaped and fit her size very well. She has a strong build and is nicely muscled. She has an extremely weak spot on the inside of her left rear leg .
Personality: Honeywhisker is extremely shy, but sweet. She respects her Clan and her leader. She has been completely loyal to her Clan. She prefers to keep to herself. Now with trust. She didn’t trust others easily. She is quick to defend her Clan. Honeywhisker loves to hunt. She thanks Starclan for every life she takes for her Clan. Another thing, she likes running. She is mentally and fiscally well fit, and she loves the feel of wind in her fur and the ground under her paws. Also, she loves to swim. Honeywhisker is a very calm cat in battle. She would give her own very life to protect the her Clan mates. Honeywhisker loves her Clan and puts her best paw forward.
History: Honeywhisker was born in spring. She never knew her mom because she died a few moments after she brought Honeykit across into RiverClan territory. As she remembered was a young dusty colored she cat with green eyes. She has a sister, but doesn’t know where or who she is. Honeywhisker remembers a dashing silver tom helping her sister and her mom. The silver tom took Honeywhiskers young brown and white sister. She remembers Fernpaw to this very day. She remembers being left on the banks of an icy river, remembering the sounds of the water lapping up on shore. A Riverclan patrol found her and brought her home, or to their Clan giving her a new home. She was giving to a queen who had kits her age, 1 moon. She grew up quickly and never found out her only secret. She was half Clan.
Honeypaw! Honeypaw! Honeypaw! She clearly remembers hearing her name chanted among the crowd when she first became a apprentice. It was her best memory. She was 7 moons when she ran away. She went to Windclan and trained there to be with her sister. She found out her father a Windclan cat and her mother a riverclan cat. She was 10 moons old when she became a warrior for Windclan. She fit in, but only with her sister Fernpaw. No one else seemed to trust her. She met a Riverclan cat, Stonepool and hated fighting against him. She was in love, but determined not to show it. She was in her first battle and realized that fighting for Windclan wasn’t her place to be. She said goodbye to Windclan and went to her true home Riverclan. They didn’t trust her but she was accepted after a while. That is when she found out her sister had been killed in a boundary fight. Ferntail was forever gone. She knew she would have a great protector in Starclan.
She fought carefully and and was extremely strong and powerful. She fought with determination. She quickly learned to swim and hunt multiple ways, fish and hunt quickly on dry land.

Other: ??

Roleplay Example:
Annie dropped her bag. She fell back on to her bed letting out a huge sigh. She planned on taking a nap instead of going to DADA. She fell into a great sleep which was awoken by a crash. Her owl, Celeste, had hit the window caught in the wind. She pulled Celeste in and the owl dropped a letter from her sister, it read, Dear Annie Rose, are u having fun? Love you lots, Jules. She smiled she had gotten a letter everyday from her sister asking how she was. Annie joined the rest of her house for dinner only a few minutes late, she asked her best friend () what had happened in DADA. Annie slowly went back to her dorm, she saw peeves pulling a prank on a group of 1st years she muttered to herself” I remember when I was a first year, I was good girl, now look at me”.
The next morning she awoke and headed down for breakfast. Her owl came in carrying what was not a letter but a package. Her little sister had sent her a Book on magical creatures. Ever since she saw her Aunt die she’s been able to see thestrals. Annie walks to the hallway to her next class, potions. Potions is Annie’s worst subject. Even though Annie was in Slytherin, Snape seemed to hate her. She made it through the day without ditching. As she climbed into bed she instantly fell into a deep slumber.

[☆ Y e l l o w ☆]

First of all, this is a very nice bio for your first try and I really enjoyed the history. It was interesting and different from the usual half-Clan cat's history. A couple of things I would like considered though. Her name is Honeywhisker, however she's a gray cat. As you probably know, a cat gets its prefix from its appearance, and honey is not gray. I would suggest changing her fur color to ginger or cream, or giving her a different, more 'gray' sounding prefix. It's not an extremely important detail but something that I'm always wanting to make sure is consistent.

Next, I would like her personality expanded a bit more. It says she 'has been completely loyal to her Clan', however her history obviously contradicts that. Perhaps you could explain more about her shifting loyalties and how it has been for her to adjust switching Clans two times in her life? I would also like to see one or two flaws added in, nothing too involved but a little something extra to make her personality more developed. Lastly there is a spelling mistake, 'fiscally' should be spelled 'physically'. Errors like this can be easily fixed with the spell check option available beneath the text box.

Again, great job with this, only a little bit more to do and she'll be ready to be accepted. :3