A moonlit walk

[spike]

Badgerclaw's head snapped to stare at Snowfoot in confusion for a moment. He was still while his mind tried to comprehend what she had said. She had contridicted his words in a way that sounded... right. It was honest and truthful. Snowfoot was a fine example of a cat that did not need a father figure of pure Clan blood to still be of a Clan. Badgerclaw was the same.

"What was I thinking?" he chuckled lightly, still stiff with astonishment at her words. "You and I, we both were kits with no choice in that matter of parents. Yet we turned out fine. Why am I fearing such things? Any kit in RiverClan would be happy enough, wouldn't it?"

Then he felt his heart yearn for something. Whatever it was, he could not say. He had no clue exactly what it was he now wished so desperately for. Maybe it was a way to show that he was a good figure as a father. Maybe he just wanted to prove those words right. Maybe... Then it came to Snowfoot. "I know I said my fears prevented me from ever taking a mate. What's held you back?" he inquired.

[Kitty]

Snowfoot wasn't going to point out the fact that during the past several moons, she'd been too depressed to notice any cat, much less think about taking a mate. She just shrugged. "I hadn't seen a tom tat caught my eye," she admitted. It was partly true, at least. She wondered what having kits would be like. She'd heard the queens talking about them, when she bothered to listen. It would always be about the same things, though. 'Oh, so-and-sokit did this today!' 'He finally opened his eyes!' 'She got into trouble today.'

It didn't sound too interesting to her, but what did she know? Those queens were talking about their own kits; maybe if Snowfoot ever had kits, she'd talk about them like that, too.

"You could've found yourself a mate, Badgerclaw. A lot of she-cats woulda liked a cat like you. You don't have to live in your past so much, like you told me not to. And maybe facing your fears would help, too."

[spike]

"You'd be surprised, Snowfoot," Badgerclaw sighed. "There are few cats of my age and- to be honest- many younger cats find my age repulsive. Not that it matters much. To add to that, some know of my heritage. They think it over before backing away. No, she-cats are hard to decipher." A playful glow sparked for a moment in his eyes at her before falling back to the eomtionless pits of copper. "Besides, it's not as if I didn't consider it at one point. All toms think of it. Some turn it away, others don't. I did because of what they had to say."

A twitch of his nose showed the irritation clear on his features. "And taking your words, I haven't seen a she-cat that caught my eye. Not yet, at least."

[Kitty]

Snowfoot wondered what she'd said to annoy him, but she must have said something. That much was obvious. Because, obviously, there wasn't anything else out here that could annoy him. This thought made her deflate a little. "Actually, I don't really know any toms except you. I mean, I know the warriors in the Clan, but they never bothered to talk to me." She started to roll her eyes, but caugh t herself. "Well, I guess they might have. I just didn't notice." This she said with a confused tone coloring hr voice. She narrowed her blue eyes thoguhtfully. Why had she only noticed it wen Badgerclaw had approached her?

[spike]

"Well, I was just tired of trying," he spoke as if it was a simple, obvious fact. "I get annoyed with trying and just give up on all of that. But you? You should pay more attention. I mean, there must've been several warriors willing to be your mate. You are strong and you have a good temperment. Better than Tanglefang at least. How she ever got a mate surprises me." He was just thankful that queen was in the nursery rather than where they were.

"So, do you ever plan on... taking a mate?" he asked. Badgerclaw began questioning himself on why he dared ask these things but his mind settled on just going along with the flow.

[Kitty]

Snowfoot shrugged. Maybe she'd pay a little more attention now. She figured most cats would take immediate notice if she suddenly started talking again. She'd seen them on the days when she's felt in a reasonably happy mood, good enough to talk to others. They'd look at her in surprise before they actually started talking abck.

"Maybe. I think I might one day, if I can find a cat that can put up with me," she admitted with a slight laugh. She didn't mind joking at her expense.

[spike]

"You speak as if that is a difficult thing to do," Badgerclaw pointed out. "Putting up with you would be like putting up with a sleeping kit. It's not difficult to do. You're a kind-hearted cat, Snowfoot. No need to go on thinking other wise. You'll find somebody. I know you will. There's some toms that are open for a mate. You should think of it."

He felt a bit of a stab to his chest. Why? Snowfoot deserved a mate. No cat in this Clan has ever bothered to help her thought, he thought. She doesn't deserve any of them. Now that feeling made sense. Protection. He didn't want to see her hurt again and the idea of her finding a mate meant she was at risk of being hurt again.

[Kitty]

"Well, I don't know. You make is seem so easy," she laughed. "Now, what other cats think? I guess we could find out. If you're the desperate for me to get a mate." Snowfoot thought about this. The only tom she ever really liked was Whitepelt. And now Badgerclaw. She found, after thinking about it, that liking any other toms would be like replacing one of them. And that seemed to be something she really didn't want to do. She stared up at the stars again, but they were fading as the sun rose. That meant she had to wait another whole day to try to figure out which one of them might be Whitepelt.

She rolled over, wwhich put her back right up against Badgerclaw, and yawned. "What about you? Are you ever going to take a mate?"

[spike]

"Too old," Badgerclaw snorted. "By the time my kits became warriors, I'd be in the elders den. I'm just wanting you to find somebody because you deserve a shoulder to lean on and to be leaned upon. Besides, you come from a strong bloodline. Whitepelt was to show of the courage in you. You show the intelligence. Why not pass that on?"

Badgerclaw had to turn away and stiffen his jaw to stop his claws from digging into the earthen substance below his paws. Snowfoot was a wonderful cat and yet he felt pained to be telling her these things. She was strong but it took her a bit to get out of the death of Whitepelt. A mate was not hard to find in a Clan but at the same time, he didn't want to see her come close to being hurt again. It was just as painful on him as it was on her. She's breaking that wall I've had up for so long, he realized.

[Kitty]

"Of course not." Snowfoot surprised herself by snorting. "You can be any age when you find a mate. Why does it matter if you're elder when your kits grow up? At least you can say you saw them become warriors." Her face was determined. "You're not too old."

Why not pass on all of her good traits? That's all Badgerclaw had mentioned. But any kits of hers would probably be a little gloomy, too. "And how do you know how strong my bloodline is? You tthink yours isn't because your dad was a rogue. What if my dad was a rogue? Does that mean my bloodline wouldn't be strong?" For some reason, he'd annoyed her. And she couldn't figure out why.

The white she-cat sighed and rolled over so she could face the tom. "You could find a mate if you wanted one bad enough. I guarentee it." For some reason, the thought of him becoming mates with another she-cat made her a little jealous.

[spike]

Badgerclaw seemed to instantly smirk at her words. "I never said it was because of my bloodline that I have not gone in search of a mate," he pointed out. "Not then, at least. You got me over that much. I said my age. I'm not a young tom, Snowfoot. And all the she-cats left are too young for my liking. Well, those that are left at least. Besides you." Suddenly his ears flared red. He realized he was trying not to offend her while at the same time not hinting that they were the most compatable.

"I mean, there are other toms for you," he added quickly and quite professionally. "As for me, I don't like the options really. There might be one or two but the group of cats that can't meet my standards is fairly high. I would want a cat that could be a real cat, not a prissy she-cat needing constant attention. One that would need me to lean on and yet if I ever needed another, she'd be there. It's rare to find that."

[Kitty]

Snowfoot fought off a snarl. Did he just call her old? Age was a rather touchy subject. She really didn't want to think of herself as 'old'. She preferred 'not as young'. So she just narrowed her eyes. It didn't matter if he'd tried to fix his mistake. He'd still called her old!

She snorted. "Well, good luck finding a she-cat like that. You were right, you do have high standards." She figured she probably couldn't even meet them. And for some reason, this upset her. And then she realized what it was: she actually really liked Badgerclaw.

[spike]

Badgerclaw would've smacked his own nose in punishment if it wasn't for the fact that he was still here with Snowfoot. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean for you to think of my words in a manner that doesn't portray me well. I didn't want you to think you were one of the cats I didn't like. However you interpreted it, I don't think it was what I meant." He shifted out of nervousness for the first time in a long time. Then he cleared his throat for words.

"And to note? My standards are not high. I am merely looking for acceptance and... I guess security, okay? Is a cat not allowed to be granted such things?"

[Kitty]

"Well, you even said that your standards were fairly high," Snowfoot pointed out. She was very annoyed now. She had no idea how they went from friends to rubbing each other's fur the wrong way. "Ad of course its allowed. But some cats don't get them." She realized a little belatedly that she may be implying that Badgerclaw may be a cat that wouldn't get them. "I'm not saying that..you..won't. I mean, I'm sure you will, some day...." She shut herself up with some effort to keep from rambling and possibly offending him further.

[spike]

"Look at us," Badgerclaw chuckled. "Talking of our lives and only making big mistakes. Guess this is a conversation we shouldn't ponder on. Our situation of mates is irrelavent to all of this it seems. We talked about what was needed. No need to go deeper into it, now do we?" He found himself staring at her in slight awe. It was a beautiful sight. Tue white she-cat's fur glowed in the moonlight and it seemed that the dawn would not rise on the edge of the earth but rather in those eyes.

"The Gathering must be over soon," he said quietly. "I guess we should be there to greet Willowstar and the others, hm?"