Post by spike on Jun 5, 2010 23:34:02 GMT -6
Mudpaw stood silently as he was delivered the punishment. Though he did not move, his heart was racing and he could hardly feel his paws anymore. Postponed for a quarter of a moon... this was... devastating, to make it brief. The brown tom nodded silently even though his throat was clenching tighter and tighter to prevent him from breathing. This was the one thing in his whole lifetime that he had feared.
He had failed! He had gone and messed up. Why couldn't his sweet little heart just gather up enough courage to snap at Dakota and send her off with that warning? She wasn't going to come back and hunt for prey! He had warned her already. But still, now he was suffering dearly for this. Softpaw and Lionpaw were going to stand up there and become warriors while he, the oldest of all of them, would not even be considered again until a quarter moon passed. Surely there had to be another way, some sort of trick to earn an earlier ceremony? But there were no battles and no way of him showing his worth. I'm... I'm pathetic. She sees me as pathetic, he mentally discouraged himself.
Mudpaw glanced over at Spiderpaw and his comforting words. Though he could not answer with words, throat too closed to allow any words to pass. Spiderpaw wouldn't get it. He probably wouldn't ever be held back while the others younger than him had to continue on to become great warriors, fresh ones that they would need. He was going to stay an apprentice. Oh, Firestorm! Rowanleaf! What have I done? I've gone and failed you. Please don't come back yet. I don't want you to see me this way.
"Come on, let's, uh, go watch, um, Lionpaw and, er, Softpaw get their warrior names, uh, okay?" He bumped Spiderpaw's shoulder half-heartedly before taking a place on the outskirts of the gathering group. He woudln't deny that jealousy was eating away at his fragile heart. But Mudpaw also knew that Ashstar was trying to teach him something. She was trying to do good. He had to accept that somehow.