A Mother's Gaze

[Ki]

Graysong might be dead. But that did not mean she had stopped caring about WindClan. She watched them often, as she was doing now. Her starry pelt winked and twinkled. The quiet she-cat had gotten used to StarClan very easily. Her three kits, who had been still-born, also had adapted quickly. After all, they'd never lived. The kits also liked to watch WindClan, the Clan they would have been a part of. They laughed when they truimphed and cried when they were in pain. The family also watched Graysong's mate and the kit's father, Pheonix. He was a loner with a red-orange pelt. And after his mate 'abandoned' him, he was very bitter. Graysong often wished she could console him. However she was powerless, for the most part.

The other cat, who always managed to get the majority of their attention, was Smokepaw. The runt that lived. He'd never known it, but his family was always looking out for him. They'd giggled as he took his first clumsy steps out of the nursery and glowed with pride when he became an apprentice. Now Graysong was watching her only living kit sleep. Smokepaw had been left behind and left to help guard camp while the other cats went to the Gathering. He and the other apprentices had been given the option to sleep. They had opted for that...but not before Smokepaw made a date with Maplepaw.

"She is a good cat, my son." Graysong purred quietly, more to herself than to him. Her voice was sweet and pure. Like a musical note. "And you will make a fine warrior, one day." Graysong was proud of Smokepaw. He was no leader, no medicine cat. Nothing but an intelligent apprentice who would go on to become a wise warrior. Graysong let out a small sigh. She was far from unhappy here. But she would not-could not-abandon Pheonix and Smokepaw. Never.

[spike]

A small kit tumbled through the swamps of ShadowClan but he watched as it faded away. Like every time, it was merely a dream. Briarkit moaned out when they disappeared and he was back within the starry world of StarClan. "They said this place was great," he snorted. "I've been here for moons and it's quite the opposite of it."

His auburn fur was flattened by a slight wind from WindClan territory. He caught scent of a familiar cat. Graysong was a motherly type but she always wandered around here looking after Smokepaw. Sneaking through the distance between him and the she-cat, he suddenly leapt and landed beside her. His gaze followed the same space to land on Smokepaw with a she-cat he didn't recognize.

"Who's that, Graysong?" the kit instantly asked for a greeting.

[Ki]

"Hello, Briarkit." Graysong replied, not even looking at the kit. She knew who he was. "That's Smokepaw. My son." Her chest swelled with pride. He was her only living kit, and her only living kin. Just like any mother, she was proud of her kits. Whether they be dead or living. She looked down at Briarkit, a small smile on her face. That was about as much she would tell him, unless he asked another question. Graysong was rarely one to elaborate on things. She was quiet in life and quiet in death.

[Kitty]

The two toms were headed back towards RiverClan's skies after a rather eventful Gathering. But they were taking the long way, through WindClan's skies. No one really cared about boundaries in StarClan.

"Its a shame Snowfoot wasn't at the Gathering, isn't it, Cloudheart?" the smallest one asked.

"I'm not sure how she would have reacted. She's very unpredictable. You of all cats should know that, Whitepelt!" Cloudheart laughed.

Just then, Whitepelt caught the scent of a couple cats.

"It seems others are out and about tonight, hm?" Cloudheart murmured. He approached the duo, to see Graysong, previously of WIndClan, and Briarkit, previously of ShadowClan. Or maybe ThunderCLan. He couldn't remember, but he'd come across them both on occasion.

"Hello," he meowed politely. "Watching your son tonight, hm?"

[spike]

Briarkit glanced back at Cloudheart and Whitepelt and gave a flick of his tail. "Yeah but I'm wondering who that other apprentice is. The two of them are getting along pretty well. What a lucky cat he is." The tom fluffed his fur slightly and lifted his head.

"You know," he purred, "I bet I could get a she-cat too if I tried. Well, not in StarClan but if I was down there, I could!" He waved his tail proudly at it while beginning to prance around slightly like a prideful deer would. "What I'd do to be Smokepaw, you know, Graysong? What a lucky cat that is!"

[Ki]

Graysong nodded in response, her eyes glimmering as she looked upon her son. "Her name is Maplepaw. Her mother walks the same skies as I do." She smiled sweetly down at Briarkit and rasped her tongue over his ear. "I'm sure." The she-cat looked at her sleeping son, sighing slightly. Briarkit was right. Smokepaw was incredibly lucky. And, for some time, it looked like he would follow his mother and siblings into StarClan. But the kit had fought on and was now an intelligent apprentice.

An intelligent apprentice who had a crush on another apprentice. Awww.

[Kitty]

Cloudhreat approached the two cats. "Oh, Smokepaw's got a crush, has he?" he purred, settling on the ground.

Whitepelt joined the other cats, sitting beside Briarkit. "I bet you could, Briarkit," he chuckled. "I bet you'd be the best warrior in the forest!" he meowed, flicking his tail in amusement. If only they were still in the forest. Oh well, as long as Snowfoot didn't join them anytime soon, they were okay.

[spike]

Briarkit's ears flared red at Graysong's affection and he, so embarrassed by it, brushed it off silghtly. But it was nice to have some attention. His own mother and father roamed these skies but they rarely spent time with Briarkit. In their lives, he was a legend. Now in StarClan, there was too much sky for them to truly bother just spending time with their deceased kit.

Hearing Whitepelt's compliment swelled him up once more. "You know it!" he purred. "I could take down a badger. I wish I could fight a badger! Cedarfur is so lucky to be in the clans. I just wish she could fight like I can." Briarkit was reminded about how long it had been since he had visited his sister. It had been about a moon and back then she was still fighting forward on figuring out herself. Now he was curious but he kept it under his pelt.

He was about to ask a question to the white toms but perked his ears instead. There was something in him that dragged his paws away. "I'll be back later," he said slowly before darting towards the rogue loft.

[Ki]

"Indeed, he does." Graysong purred. His brother and sister would love to hear that. They couldn't make jokes to him, but they could make jokes about it to each other. And Phoenix...he'd be proud. Sighing a bit, Graysong wrapped her tail around her paws. Now she deeply regretted not telling anyone in her Clan who the father of her kits was. It left Smokepaw feeling like an orphan and Phoenix believing that she'd used him. Graysong looked back at the other StarClan cats, smiling a little. She could tell that it didn't matter how many she-cats a tom got, or that every warrior was important to the Clan...but why ruin the kit's fun?

[Kitty]

Whitepelt laughed. "I joined StarClan too young to really fall for a she-cat, Briarkit," he admitted. His voice grew sadder and more regretful as he talked.

Cloudheart smiled. "Smokepaw has grown into a fine warrior, considering the circumstances." Meaning, considering the young tom didn't have any in-Clan family. "My daughter, Snowfoot, has the same problem."

[Ki]

Graysong swelled with pride at her son's praise. She watched, however, as he stirred and went out of the den. He then proceeded to wake his mentor and ask for advice on love. Awwww! Graysong's paws itched to be there, as most mothers would. But, as usual, she was trapped there. She sighed and shook her head. "We all joined the ranks of StarClan much too early, my friends."

[Kitty]

Cloudheart looked on as Smokepaw proceeded to question his mentor. Rowanclaw didn't seem to know much about this certain topic, though, and it made him chuckle. "Your son will do fine," he murmured, touching his tail to Graysong's shoulder.

Whitepelt was older than Graysong, in one way, at least, as was his father, but the she-cat seemed wise beyond her age. "That we did, Graysong. I'm sure everyone's life would have been different had Cloudheart and I lived." Snowfoot wouldn't be depressed. Frostflower would have stayed in the Clan, happily mates with Cloudheart, and not left the two of them on their own when they were apprentices. And Snowfoot would know who her father was.

"If I had lived, my kits would have known of my existance," Cloudheart whispered. His eyes were shining with pain - the emotional kind - and sadness. "That is something i have always regretted. My kits never having known their father in life. It wouldn't have been so bad if Frostflower had only told them who their dad was. But for me to watch them, growing with a single parent, I keep thinking that if I had never gone down to the river that day, none of this would have happened." He sighed and looked down at his paws. "I've tried going into Snowfoot's dreams, but she seems to be...I don't know, shutting out everything."

[Ki]

Graysong sighed. Smokepaw seemed to wish she was there. A she-cat was better with these types of topics. But her shy little son didn't know any she-cats well enough to talk to them. "I don't regret having my kits. If I had not given my life, Smokepaw wouldn't have lived." There was one major thing she regretted, however. Smokepaw did have kin alive. His rogue father. If only she'd managed to say something to Russetfang! There was time, a few days where she'd tried to cling to life for the sake of her son. "It's hard for him. He has no in-Clan kin. I wish I could have told Russetfang who his father was. If Phoenix knew the truth, he would have tried to join WindClan by now." What did it matter that she had kits with a rogue? She was dead!

[Kitty]

"I wish I could tell Snowfoot where her mother is," Cloudheart meowed regretfully.

"Maybe while you're at it, you could tell Frostflower that I'm dead?" Whitepelt suggested hollowly. That was something he didn't want to put on Snowfoot - she was already sad enough. What was the point in bringing that up?"

[Ki]

Graysong sighed a bit. She'd often watched over her mate, padding through the skies above and looking down on him. He hated her. Hated her and longed to know the kits they'd had together. Phoenix always was the family type. How his eyes lit up when she'd told him he was to be a father! He'd once told her it was the lack of she-cats that drove him to leave ThunderClan. He longed for a mate and kits. Perhaps she would be allowed to send a message to Russetfang and reunite Phoenix with his kit? Rogue or not. He had a right to see Smokepaw.

"Hopefully Phoenix will learn the truth." Graysong mewed.